The friendzone phenomenon has spread across the APU campus. A panel of APU students gathered to take a closer look at the friendzone, why it happens and how someone can get out of it.
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Maddie Shook | Contributing Writer
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Whether you feel awkward walking past a DTR on the Wynn Amphitheater steps, laugh at the ?Friendzone Fiona? meme online, or personally reside in the friendzone, its prevalence on the APU campus is clear. The friendzone has become a part of APU culture. In order to truly explore all facets of this relationship phenomenon, I held a roundtable interview with three APU women and four men.
What exactly is the friendzone? Senior cinematic arts major Mark Dorman, defined the friendzone as, ?when a participant in a relationship between two people of the opposite gender views the other as a sexual non-entity.? Moreover, the term ?friendzone? can be used as both a noun and a verb.
Victoria Chatburn, a sophomore theater arts major, has friendzoned a man before. She said that the friendzone is, ?when you have a friend of the opposite sex that you don?t want to date, but you know they want to date you.? The act of friendzoning can be utilized not only to prevent a romantic relationship, but also to preserve a friendship. People friendzone each other in order to prevent ruined friendships due to the often awkward aftermath of failed relationships.
In one of the most fascinating moments of the discussion, the panel discussed whether or not both parties of a friendzone relationship could be romantically interested in each other. Senior applied health major Deanna Willis suggested that since ?guys like the chase,? a woman can friendzone a man in order to incite their interest. Her statement was met with silence and confusion from the male counterparts of the discussion. Their silence was soon followed by uproarious and slightly bitter laughter, which culminated in Dorman throwing his fedora on the ground in frustration.
The women of the panel unanimously concluded that they never show interest in a man first since they believe that men enjoy the pursuit that courtship entails. Immediately, all of the men at the table began laughing. Senior cinematic arts major Jeff Holmes said, ?What girls don?t realize is that guys are dumb. We need some sort of sign to show that the girl is interested, because that affects our thinking and behavior.?
The panel decided that both genders can be oblivious of the other?s feelings. Friendzoning can often happen without a conversation being held. Dorman stated how most women may use the phrase ?I think you are such a great friend? as a way to friendzone a man. However, a man may think that the woman likes them when he hears that. The friendzone, more often than not, comes as a blindside.
Dana Lundblad, a sophomore theater major, said, ?Most of the time friendzoning is the result of miscommunication. One person can perceive something as a display of affection, while the other is just a flirty person.?
Why is friendzoning so common at APU? Senior youth ministry major Simon Goehring believes there is more than the uneven gender ratio that contributes to the prevalence of friendzoning. ?I think that friendzoning happens when there is a sense of relational attraction, but no sense of the sparks of romantic attraction. At APU, there?s often a fear of being sexual, fun and flirty, which prevents any kind of spark,? said Goehring.
Friendzoning may also be so popular since students often use their time in college to experiment when it comes to dating. College is the prime time for students to determine what they want in a relationship. As a result, students are in what Willis calls, ?the trying on phase?. Yet, a lot of damage can be done to those who don?t handle it correctly. ?The trying-on phase can screw up someone?s psyche,? Willis said.
Because emotions are involved, friendzoning shouldn?t be taken lightly. ?It is important to remember there is a definite emotional connection between both parties involved,? said Chatburn.
Emotional connections most often result in bad endings to friendzone relationships. ?Of the people that I have decided to remain just friends with, it?s only the people that I have not had physical contact with that have stuck around,? Holmes said.
The ultimate question, is whether a person can get out the friendzone, and the answer is a resounding YES. The panel disagreed though on whether women or men have an easier time getting out of the friendzone. Each sex thought the opposite had it easier. The reasoning for both sides was rooted in why men and women friendzone in the first place. Willis stated that women most often friendzone due to the lack of an emotional connection or insecurity, factors that can be easily changed. ?Guys friendzone only because they think they can do better, or because the woman has a trait that she cannot change like age or height,? said Willis.
The men reasoned that they friendzone for completely different reasons than women. A man often friendzones a woman who may not seem like a romantic option at the moment, but he may still want to keep her in his life. ?When a guy meets a woman, she is one of two things: a romantic option or not. It only takes between five and fifteen seconds to decide whether he is going to behave in a friendly or flirty manner with her,? said Holmes.
Both Dorman and Holmes asserted that men can easily change their minds about whether they see a woman as a romantic option, making it easier for women to get out of the friendzone. ?Dorman said men weigh two options: to friendzone a woman in order to refrain from the worry of them as a romantic prospect or to refrain from worry altogether. ?If a woman can prove to a guy that she is worth worrying about it, she can break any man?s friendzone,? said Dorman.
The panel concluded, that although it may take time, people can just as easily see someone as a romantic prospect as they do a platonic one.
Source: http://www.theclause.org/collide/2012/12/just-friends/
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